funny quotes and sayings
Top authors
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself."
"[A] classic - something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."
"The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey."
"Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use."
"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
"I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough."
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
"Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more."
"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
"They spell it "Vinci" and pronounce it "Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce."
"I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little--not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell."
"In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."
"The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it."